


Character Studies - Mizusawa Matsuri

by blackemerald_60



Series: Character Studies [7]
Category: citrus - サブロウタ | citrus - Saburouta
Genre: Character Study, No Plot/Plotless, no nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:09:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23305153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackemerald_60/pseuds/blackemerald_60
Summary: Mizusawa Matsuri basic character study [7]
Series: Character Studies [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/929930
Comments: 3
Kudos: 9





	Character Studies - Mizusawa Matsuri

Intelligent. Perceptive. Manipulative. Fucking bored. And ultimately, a sad, empty girl. A girl who grew up way too fast.  
"Benign neglect." It was never benign. Neglect can damage, it can scar.  
A young girl who liked to play games, likes to read and twist people around until she got something out of them.  
Someone crying on her shoulder, a slap to the face, maybe a lecture, some money, a kiss. She sought attention because of the lack of love and she knows she’s twisted but she can’t really help it. She’s also aware that there are a lot more people like her out there. A lot. More.

Matsuri knows people. She knows how the world works, how people work, think, and function. Information is key. It can be used to manipulate, corrupt, heal — information, when and how it’s used, is the only real weapon a person needs. And Matsuri knows it. Some people might call her cynical or cold, and maybe she is to a degree. But she would call herself a realist. With her intelligence and her perceptiveness, she can read people, find out their weakness early on; she usually knows what’s up. 

She knows her perception of love is skewed. She knows what kind of kid she is and she knows that one day something will come to bite her back. When we first meet her, all she really wants is just more distractions, no matter what form they come in. 

She acts tough and disaffected, but she’s scared and lonely. She’s still **just. a. kid**. She’s tired. She’s jaded. Indifferent to the world yet still hoping that someone would see her. Some might call her a romantic in that sense. But it’s too cold to believe no one would ever see her. It’s a thin thread that’s been stretched to the max, but it’s a thread that’s keeping her tethered; the thought that someday, someone will see her, and only her. 

Yuzu was someone different. The real game was with Mei, not Yuzu. Yuzu was the prize. In the beginning, it was just to see how far Matsuri could bend and twist Yuzu, how much she could play with her before getting slapped or even better, before Yuzu submitted to her. The first game was easy, foreplay to the real thing. Because Yuzu submitted easily. At first anyway. Yet with one phone call, Matsuri knew, right then, that Yuzu won’t really be her’s. And it pisses her off. The real game, with Yuzu as the prize and not as a contestant, was about to start. 

If she’s being honest, Matsuri didn’t really want Yuzu. Not at first. Yuzu was just supposed to be another distraction when Matsuri went looking for her. But the fact that she cared about her “work”, even after the years of not seeing each other, well, it made her a rather nice prize. Unconditional love isn’t a term that exists for Matsuri. Yuzu is just an exception in Matsuri’s bleak world view. 

Yeah, she’s fucked. And a bored, intelligent teenager is a dangerous person. Harumi picks up on the fact that she’s a devious schemer early on. But she’s not the worst type of teen out there. Fucking around for money or attention, well, that’s just how it is for a lot of people these days. 

If she thinks too hard about it, Matsuri knows she’ll break. So she only lets out bits and pieces. Calling the world empty as she is. Getting angry for a moment and then plotting the next move. All the games, the calculating, it’s her coping mechanism, her entertainment. So that she doesn't have to think about her own situation. 

So when the real game with Mei went into play, Matsuri kind of knew that she would lose. But it was still a shock when she really lost for the first time. What made it worse was that she actually wanted to win for once. With every other game, she knew the general outcome before she even began, but this one time, she really wanted to win and she lost. 

Yet, she won too. Because Yuzu continued to allow her into her life, because Yuzu was still looking at her to a degree, because she wasn't abandoned. And there was someone else who was watching out for her too. Mei was there for her in a roundabout way, which is more than she expected. 

When Mei sees her and understands that they’re the same, she can’t help but sympathize a little. Mei is a good mirror to Matsuri. In a manner of speaking. 

When the whole ordeal is over, Matsuri is the one to have really grown the most. You can hear it in the way she says that she doesn’t want her parents to get worried, about how she jokes about a threesome. There’s a lightness to her that didn’t exist before.

‘Game Over’ was never so rewarding before. She couldn’t change right then and there. She’s not naive enough to think that she could be better so soon. But the respect and love she gained for both Yuzu and Mei were something good to take away. 

In the end though, she completely won. Big time. Because not only are Yuzu and Mei with her, but also Harumi, Himeko, and all the others are with her too. Her world has expanded because of Yuzu, and with time, she’ll mellow out. And maybe that emptiness inside of her will fill a little. 

Harumi is maybe the only one who could keep her kind of in check. Which is why she clings to her a little more, and why she was so angry. Because she wanted to rely on Harumi, wanted to place her as a conscience, a marker, but Harumi doesn’t really notice. Harumi often brushes her off to the side, only worried about Yuzu. Why couldn’t Harumi see her too? 

She’s always going to be bored. There’s no helping that. She’s too smart for her own good. But the games she plays are a lot less twisted now. Teasing Yuzu and everyone else, well at this point, it’s just a fun, harmless way to kill the time.   
  


Losing has never been so freeing.


End file.
